In yet another feeble stab at bettering myself, I decided to try to meditating this morning. (And by “meditate,” I mean “drink coffee without checking email.”) So I’m sitting there for about 25 seconds, when my brain starts talking to me. (My brain doesn’t support my attempts at self-improvement.) This is more or less how the conversation went: Brain: Hey – hey, you. Don’t pretend you can’t hear me. I know you hear me. Me: I’m not listening, I’m not listening, la-la-la-la-la… Brain: What’cha doin’? Me: STFU, I’m trying to meditate here. Brain: I’m bored. I’ll bet I can get you to think about doughnuts…right…NOW. Me: Grrr… Brain: Hey, this is fun! Now we’re going to think about giraffes. Do you ever wonder what it would be like if they had to swallow pills? Like, if a giraffe had a headache and had to swallow an aspirin, how exactly would that work?* Me: Shut up. Brain: No, really—would he put the aspirin under his two-foot tongue? And then he’d have to bend all the way over to get some water, and the pill would fall out. Poor giraffes. Me: I said shut up. Brain: You suck at meditating. Me: I hate you. Brain: Mmm……