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From IleenieWeenie’s Draw Something Archives
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I just had a very brief and unpleasant conversation with my husband. While my business seems to have hit a plateau, Mr. Weenie is experiencing great success with his. Am I happy for him? Of course. Proud? Hell yes. Seething with barely contained hostility? Absolutely. Envy is the most opportunistic member of the emotional community. While Optimism and Confidence gossip over cappuccinos, and Introspection sits in the corner with her arms crossed, Envy stares inside longingly from the street, waiting patiently to be invited in, which she always is. (Envy is also a drama queen, so she’s standing in the rain.) Envy is the most unnecessary of all emotions. At least Fear serves a purpose: Hey—Do you see that Gila monster over there? Don’t touch it. Envy serves only to make a person feel less than someone else: Hey—Do you see the $7,000 jacket that woman over there is wearing? Don’t touch it. I hate Envious Weenie, but unfortunately she and I are conjoined twins. As much as I want to tear her off like an ugly sweater, we share some important organs I’d like to hang on to. In an attempt at compromise, I have come up with a…
Read MoreEvery few months I gather up both nerve and stomach to clean out my refrigerator. It wouldn’t be so disturbing if I’d just dump the contents directly into the trash, but my guilty conscience compels me to recycle the containers in which my plague-ridden leftovers reside. Here are a few memorable moments from the Casa Weenie refrigeration archives: Is it a shrunken head, or is it a lime? I don’t think cottage cheese is supposed to be pink… Honey, there’s a decomposing finger in the freezer. “Name That Puddle” Why does this white ball smell like foot? Is that a zucchini in your crisper, or are you just suffering from syphilis? Remember the missing avocado from last summer? Neither do I. You might think I’d learn my lesson and clean out the fridge more often, but then what would I have to submit to the Oxford Journal of Infectious Diseases? Plus, I might be growing another cure for syphilis. (Then again, I might be growing another version of syphilis.) Being a scientist is such a burden.
Read MoreI’m not sure which part gave this one away, but it certainly wasn’t my drawing of Brad Pitt. From IleenieWeenie’s Draw Something Archives
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