I’m no expert on Twitter, but I like to pretend I am.

Once upon a time, I was scared to get on Twitter. I didn’t really understand the concept and thought it was kind of silly. I’d been on Facebook for a while and understood its value as a way to relive the humiliation of high school all over again, but Twitter seemed pointless.

When I finally bit the bullet, I started out as your garden variety Twitter-lurker and had some fun while trying to market my name. (In hindsight, I probably should have considered the ramifications of naming myself after lunch meat, but that’s neither here nor there.)

I was recently mentioned by a productivity coach as one of his favorite people to follow in his list of 7 Twitter tips. I noticed that his list wasn’t a round number, which compelled me to even it out with 3 of my own Twitter tips:

1. Pepper in a few profanities throughout your tweets. It will give you credibility with the degenerate crowd that hangs out on Twitter after midnight. (You know who you are.)
2. Direct message people at 3am in hopes that they have all DMs set to go to their phones. People love that.
3. Be sure to tweet while drunk. It’s a great way to show off the real you, with the added benefit of culling your following down to manageable numbers.

So, what are YOUR favorite Twitter tips? (facetious or otherwise)