Part 2: The Comfort of Crap

In Part 1 of the Travelin’ Weenie series, I introduced you to the preparations this family goes through before setting out on a vacation. (And by “this family,” I mean me.) In the next chapter of the series, we dig deeper into the delicate art of neurotic air travel…

I bring two bags on every trip. The bag with all my clothing, makeup, toiletries, rain gear, shoes, etc. is checked through, and I carry the other one onboard with me. Despite being weighed at home on the bathroom scale, my checked bag was a few pounds over the 50-pound limit. Thus was I forced to endure the withering stares of the holier-than-thou light-packer set as I moved two sweatshirts and a toiletry kit the size of a small raft into Mr. Weenie’s bag. (This is why I never pack undies or Tampax on top.)

While Mr. Weenie’s carryon bag consisted of a toy poodle and iPod, mine contained enough supplies to set up a small base camp at the foothills of Everest. You may think I’m kidding, but I do not joke about carryon luggage. Here’s what I bring with me on the plane when I travel:

Blow-up neck pillow, Pashmina shawl, sweater, ear plugs, eye mask, fuzzy socks, Advil, Aleve, migraine medication, anti-nausea medication, Dramamine, Xanax, extra Xanax, snacks (may include, but not limited to: nuts, gum, raisins, protein bars, apples, string cheese, pretzels, sandwich, candy and chips), hand sanitizer, Wet Wipes, camera, video camera, external microphone, batteries, Kindle, iPad, iPhone, iPod, actual books (in case all of my electronics fail simultaneously), printed articles from the web (in case my books are confiscated), People magazine (in case there’s a Brangelina emergency), earbuds, chargers, extension cord, paper, pens, pencils, highlighters, extra lead and erasers, tea bags, Post-it notes, sketch pad, maps, lip balm, two rubber bands (in case the first one breaks), paper clips, hair clip, purse, wallet, extra glasses, Emergen-C, Kleenex and Ziplock bags. I also carry on bottled water and a decaf triple espresso procured before boarding.

The contents of this hospital/convenience store/hotel on wheels is the the same whether my flight lasts half a day or half an hour. Welcome to my world.

Stay tuned for Part 3 in the Travelin’ Weenie series: “Weenie in Her Full, Upright and Locked Position”